So Cinco de Mayo is the day Mexico defeated France in Puebla. It was an amazing defeat because the French greatly outnumbered them and was a much better equipped army. Mexico won the battle but not the war. I'll get back to that.
If Mexico had lost the battle of Puebla the French would have helped the South in the US Civil War and historians speculate that that could have tipped the war in the South's favor completely changing US history so whoop it up US... you might not understand why your really celebrating in the name of Mexico but by all means they deserve some recognition if you are glad the North won the war.
So France and Mexico went on to battle another day... and another... and another... and Mexico did lose for awhile and France established a short lived 3 year empire. Once the US Civil war was over the US started sending military help to Mexico to defeat France and restore Benito Juarez to power. Not that either of us were being good neighbors. Mexico wasn't concerned about defeating France to keep them out of the US of course. They had the more immediate threat to their own country to deal with. Although France remained too distracted with Mexico to do anything in the Civil War. When the Civil War was over France now having a dominate hold in Mexico was still a threat to the US but the moral of the story is by being self centered war mongering people that stayed focused on our own interests Mexico helped the US by defending themselves and and the US acted in it's own interests as well.
We'd also had fought Mexico and taken a bunch of their land just a few decades earlier so it almost reads like, "Hey, France! We can pick on Mexico! You can't! You take your stinky cheese eating, no bathing broads outta there and let the nice French door you installed hit you on the ass on your way out! Leave the door... take the stink cheese."
And this has been your Cinco de Mayo story time brought to you by Melipedia.
#cincodemayo #Mexico #US #Mel Blossom #history #melipedia
I’ve always loved history. My Grandma loves history too and she and I never run out of things to talk about because of this common interest. She took me to museums and lots of historical sites as a kid. At 89 she went to Tulum with me will my parents laid on the beach during a trip to Mexico and agreed with me Merida was a much more interesting place to spend a week than the beach. Not saying anything bad about my parents preference of how to spend down time, to each their own, but I am truly my Grandma’s Grandaughter and we love to learn!
When I first moved to Mexico my history nerd was in heaven! I had to see every ruin and every historical site I could in and around Merida… then I began to live here and stopped touring. Bad move but a logical one! Doing my comedy and making friends became more important than what made me want to drop anchor here. It’s normal I suppose. Of course you want friends when you’re new in town and even though I’m a non practicing comic now I still love it and at the time I was 100 percent dedicated to it and the dream I’d created around it. But like most things I set my heart on… it leads to disappointment, depression and a disgust with the world. I know that sounds depressing and it is a bit but it led me to realize on an even deeper level that the only thing I should set my heart on is me… loving me and enjoying who I am… so all the heartache and disappointments… omg! They sucked sooo bad! But knowing who I am… what I like… what I care about.. what I think… AND knowing it’s all good, valid and true no matter what others think… ah, pop the cork, hop in the pool naked and just enjoy the moment!
I made many friends in Merida and because wherever you are.. there you are… most turned out to be blazing balls of shallowness, fear based, back stabbing, don’t know high school is over, gone when shit gets real wastes of my time and heart…. and a very few have ended up being some of the most amazing people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing so my point is I’ve done great socially :) Any expat community is very transient and since I’d lived in Milwaukee my whole life it’s been fascinating to meet people from all over the world. It’s true people really are all basically the same and that is very disappointing. But ok, great lesson learned, wounds licked and now I know people aren’t worth wasting much time on. It was around the time this realization was setting in on a deep level I lost all my desire to comedy.
As I was learning how to do comedy I saw comic after comic trying to be the next Doug Stanhope or Bill Hicks. Both guys are alright in my book but I wouldn’t call them great. Bill Hicks was a soap box comic. What I mean by that is a person with a message they wanted the world to hear but they didn’t have another stage that would have them. I saw these comics endlessly in my first few years of comedy and it was so gross to me because you have an audience that sat down under the promise that you were going to make them laugh and instead they get bombarded by your bitterness and opinions about the world and occasionally you hit them with a funny line or a point where you become so ridiculous they laugh whether it was your intention or not. A lot of the people I ended up listening to at open mics and shows were just people that didn’t feel listened to in other areas of their life and as much as I respect the process we all have to go through to develop as a comic… I don’t want to hear that shit. I knew I had a ranter like that in me… (she’s speaking now… in a blog you are welcome to stop reading anytime… not on a mic in a room you are stuck in) so when I was first starting comedy and saw that this was annoying to me as an audience member I set the standard in my work that I was there to make the audience laugh first and express my opinions second. That didn’t mean I wasn’t true to who I was or how I saw things but the joke needed to be the point rather than my opinion.
The last show I did I had been struggling for over a year with the idea that I may be done with comedy. It’d been my focus for just 7 years which is nothing in the span of a comedy career but 7 years is still a long term relationship, there was a lot I still loved about it but I was still coming to terms with the idea that people aren’t worth my heart anymore and if I couldn’t get on stage and care about the people I was performing for…. then I had no business being up there according to the standard I set when I started. I knew I was still funny, life was still providing plenty of material but my enthusiasm for people in general was making performing more stress than fun and why do it then?
I love my last show. It was called You People and I worked on it with a woman from the consulate, Adrea Fears, who was originally from LA with a background in acting and a wicked sense of humor. I showed her my ramblings and she helped me mine it for the funny. I’d never written with someone before and it went great with her! She helped me hit my standard of joke before my opinion but we also let my opinion flow freely! It was the first show I actually did for me… I let my inner soap boxer go knowing I wasn’t paying my dues with the audience of meeting them where they are and I knocked one of the shows in the run out of the park. The audience met me and we had a blast! I know it might not sound impressive to the lay man but any real comic will know I nailed it. I had no open mics to work things out and hadn’t been on stage for almost a year. I had 4 shows in the run and hit it hard on the 3rd for an hour! Bitch, please! I rocked it! HA!
My Chihuahua Dookie was hit by a car and killed just a few days before the show run started… so yay… all that other stuff was against me AND one of my dogs had just died… still nailed it! Booyah! :) His death was caused because I’d let a street dog that kept ripping open the fence stay despite my gut telling me I should put her down. Nobody would adopt her, the rescues here are ridiculously over run and one had given me the run around when I tried to give her to them… the other I didn’t ask because I’d asked them for help before and I knew how slammed they were with dogs. In the end Evolution did step up and take her once Dookie was dead and I let it be known the street dog was at the vets office about to be put down. Dookie dying was another big wake up call I needed to bandage my bleeding heart. No more putting myself out for people or dogs. The image of his smashed little body lying in the street pops up everytime I see a street animal I start feeling like I could help. A kitten tried to move in with me, Dexter and Felix right before I moved to my current home. I did the due diligence of posting it trying to get adopted, trying to set it free, and trying to get it in a shelter… all failed so I walked it a few blocks away from my house and left his ass in the street. Call me cruel all you want… where were you when it was marking and scratching my furniture and scaring my dogs? And where were you when I was begging people to take the street dog that cost me my baby, Dookie?
I love all my dogs but Dookie was the sunshine of the pack. He was such a little brat and lover all in one. Dexter is my snuggle bug. No dog can out snuggle Dexter… he can melt any heart. Felix is my dude. He likes to play. He likes big hugs. He loves to walk and he doesn’t take any shit. He is the mellow calm muscle of our gang that knows barking is a waste of time… hang back and do nothing unless you need to bite. Dookie was the comedian. He was super tough and confident until he was confronted… then he came running behind me and Felix. He was energetic, happy and confident. I truly believed he died to teach me to stop caring more about others than I do myself and my dog family. We come first and after that if I can help cool.
Well I thought I was going to go on a rant about all the cool history things I’ve learned and observed lately but apparently I needed to spew about the end of me performing comedy and Dookie dying. Just as well. When Blossom died I knew it was coming, my friends and I had a funeral, it was a death with warning, closure and she led a life that had come full circle.
I’d just been holding Dookie telling him I loved him before he snuck out and an hour later when I was giving the dogs treats he wasn’t there and I found him in the street. A death with warning is definitely easier than a sudden death but they both hurt.
In the next instalment of Bitch log… all the fun historical things I’ve seen and studied!! Hopefully… who knows where my rabbit hole mind will be :)
OMG! I was eye raped tonight! I was walking to my friends house on 35 going towards Plaza del Torros. I crossed the street and noticed a young guy on a cell phone behind me and my "creep" radar went off so I decided to walk in the street instead of crossing all the way to the sidewalk. I kept looking back to keep an eye on him and he was getting closer fast. He hung up his phone and said, "Excuse me can I ask you one question? Where is the fiesta?" I stopped and gave him directions to the Fiesta Americana. So then he said, "Is it close? How many blocks?" I said, "Yes, it is very close" repeated the directions and tried to walk away. "One more question!" he said, "Can I have some money for food?" I always try to play dumb to that question, "I'm sorry my Spanish is bad. Good night." He said it again but this time added pantomime and I knew I'd already given away I knew enough Spanish to know what he wanted.
But now I was getting nervous... he wasn't leaving... the street was dead...he obviously wanted to keep me talking to him and handing him money would put me close enough to him to grab me.... even taking my eyes off him to open my purse wasn't going to happen. And I also thought, " Who would need directions to an expensive hotel but then also need money for food? This has gone from sketchy to officially dangerous." People think being skinny is better... no way... in situations like that I at least know this one small Mexican dude is not going to be able to carry my big ass away. Worse case scenario this is an attempt to get my purse and no way anybody is taking my Frida Kahlo purse... it's my favorite!
"Sorry I only have 20 pesos I need for medicine at the pharmacy. Good night." He nodded like he was giving up and then grabbed his junk in his pants, flashed it at me and then started walking away. Ok... didn't see that coming.
I started walking away and kept turning around to see where he was while trying to walk as fast as I could. He was walking in the opposite direction and kept looking back at me too and then stopped and turned in my direction and started rubbing himself right on the side walk for few seconds! Then he turned and ran away.
What a freak!!!! Seriously? What kind of animal do you have to be to even want to act like that? And when has a woman EVER done something like that? No seriously I want to know the stats on how many women flashers there are. Showing tits at festivals don't count. When has a woman ever roamed the streets looking for a dude walking down a dark quiet street to just open her raincoat to? If I had been a dude this story would be... I passed a young guy on the street... in fact... no story. I wouldn't waste my time typing that story.
So when I got to Reforma by the pharmacy I was trying to decide if I should go 2 blocks in one direction to the police station or just keep heading for my friends house in the opposite direction. I went to the police station. They probably wouldn't find him but at least they'd announce it on the radio and the patrols would pay some extra attention tonight.
I explained what happened in my crappy Spanish to the police there... sooo awkward trying to explain the flashing part without knowing gentler Spanish slang to soften the blow... "he show me his penis"... those were the words I knew only in present tense and the shock on the cops faces at least let me know I conveyed the message.
"He didn't touch me! I'm ok"
Now I'm trying to protect them from feeling violated by my description of the situation! "We gotcha" was the look on their faces and they started asking about all the other parts of the story.
They also got right on the radio and sent another patrol out from the station. Then they summoned the tourist police to come to the station to hear my story in English and clarify it.
Found out tonight the tourist police don't really speak English. But they did know more key words so they could get a better description of the guy and seemed to know what I meant when I said, "You need to watch the streets tonight... he seemed rape-y."
So also while I was waiting for the Tourist police I called my friends I was meeting who then walked to meet me at the police station instead. While we were all walking away and I was telling them the story one of my friends said, "Did he ask you where the Fiesta Americana was or where the fiesta was? Like where the party was?"
I'm so white the first thing I think of when I hear "fiesta" is a hotel not a party!
AND the first time I get invited on a date in years but I instead think he's asking me for directions, trying to steal my purse and being a sexual predator! Turns out he was just trying to show me the hot date I missed out on by not speaking better Spanish!
Eh... I saw it... I didn't miss much.
I really wish Mother Teresa was here to give her opinion on this one! My vote is she'd tell them to stop talking about her and go do something nice for somebody. I don't think she wanted to be a saint. I believe she knew she was flawed and I don't imagine she'd like this saint nonsense. One of many reasons I could see her refusing to accept the title is... she was trying to tell people anybody can go help, be kind and love others.
I think the only real miracle she ever performed was not giving the world the middle finger and living out the end of her days alone. I truly believe she even saw through the corruption, games and lies of her religion and the church but knew how to play them so she could keep trying to help people. Looks like they are figuring out how to use her right back trying to give us a modern saint. A saint is a superhero the church tries to convince people was real. She was real but not foolish enough to thinks she was a super hero or want to be one.
Well, guess we all need heroes sometimes. Her order really wants it to happen and I haven't examined their reasons. Christopher Hitchens tried to stop it out of atheists spite. He was a smart guy I respected in a lot of ways but he could also be an ass just to be an ass. He was just being an ass on this one. Ironically if he would have actually studied her he would have seen she didn't want to be a saint either so they both wanted the same out come for different reasons. He had an ego propelling him to prove Christian idols are fake... she was humble never asking to be an idol. And yet she was viciously attacked by someone that cared about his own agenda against religion and gave no mind to Mother Teresa's actually message and spirit. I really think she doesn't want this. It's so sad people can't just let her actions and words be her legend.
I'm starting a blog... maybe. I don't know. Who cares anyway? I don't read blogs. That's why I felt safe keeping a journal type thing online.... whose going to read it anyway and I need a place to record my life.... rants, scrap book, sanity reports.
The sanity report is about alright. I am working so much I am in one room of my house sometimes for days with just my dogs to talk to and it's cool because I like to be alone a lot but I do get lonely. Couldn't ask for a better job that adapts to my insanity though. I stay at home with my dogs. Can wake up 5 minutes before work and can even just stay in bed and do it. "A job you can do with no pants on" should be everybody's new goal! :) HA!
Not everybody! cab drivers, waiters, doctors, lawyers, etc. are all jobs that should always require pants but there is a revolution happening in the workforce and it's great because now more than just porn stars and working animals can go to work without pants and that's awesome right? :) BTW... if anyone from works reads this... I always have pants on! :)